Earlier this week Britney Spears finally checked herself into rehab. Although it was reported that her friends and family persuaded her to check into rehab, I think her ass was high and saw some of the nonstop Anna Nicole Smith coverage and said something like this:
“Oh my gawd y’all, it’s like that déjà vu movie with Denzel y’all. I’m on the TV and they are saying I’m dead y’all. That aint cool y’all.”Or possibly after her buddy Lindsay went into rehab she thought it was what all the cool kids were doing, then again her dumbass may have just thought it was some kind of new celebrity resort. Well just like Lohan, Brit didn’t want to have to stay for treatment and left the Eric Clapton Rehab Clinic after only 1 day. Now it’s been well documented that Brit has been trying to win my affection. She heard that I like a girl with a lil junk in the trunk and immediately quit working out and went on a special Cheetos and McDonald’s diet. That didn’t work, so she tried to make me jealous by dating a type of person that gets on my last nerve. Well that backfired on her too as she wound up married, knocked up, divorced and is now left with a drained bank account. Crushed that her plan just alienated me further, she turned to heavy drugs to ease her pain. Desperate to find yet another way to get my affection, Brit decided to show her love for me by shaving her head. Yes I said she shaved her head. It is true I like my girls to be bald, but not on top and I can see where this could be confusing for a girl form the country. Maybe she didn’t get confused and just wanted to look like me. The saloon she went to realized she was crazy and refused to shave her head, so Brit grabbed some clippers and did it herself!! I know it will give her the wrong idea by saying this, but I have to give her credit for going to that extreme to gain my affection. That being said, I must follow it with the following statement prepared by my lawyers.
There is no chance in hell of us ever being together Brit, please get that thru your now bald ass head. The only way we would ever get together is if you had a time machine that could transport me back to your first couple of videos when you were hot. Also you will have to take a dialect class to get rid of that horrible accent and you must be able to get a perfect score on the verbal part of the SAT. If you happen to get the time machine and don’t do those two things, I will give it a shot as long as you never speak in front of me. So until you acquire that time machine, nothing you do is going to win me over so please stop embarrassing yourself and just move back to Louisiana.
As always send hate mail to
jimmy@BaldIsntAlwaysBeautiful.netPeace love and hair grease

Labels: Britney Spears