I normally don’t read the MySpace bulletin crap as it is typically just the FWD emails that crowd my inbox each day. Sorry I don’t think some all powerful email wizard is going to cast a spell on my sex life if I don’t send it out to ten people within 24 hours of opening the email. I also don’t care about wasting my time filling out a questionnaire filled with questions about “who the last person I kissed” or “what I had for lunch” or “whether my last shit was solid or like soft serve ice cream.” I don’t care about what I did and I doubt anyone else does, so don’t cry when I don’t send back those dumb emails or respond to your bulletin on MySpace. Sometimes I do get bored and have nothing better to do and I will read your bulletin if it has a title that catches my eye. Something like Webster kills a cow or Thundercats vs. Transformers, basically anything from that involves little people, chimpanzees or cartons from the 80’s. So against my better judgment I am posting up something that I didn’t write because I am too lazy to do my own post and it almost made me laugh. Hell I added pictures to it whatelse you want!?!?
An Unnamed Segment stacked full of fun times, a HBOTD update per request and two 2006 WWJ Summer Drinking Tour stops are on tap for this week.
As always send hate mail to jimmy@ItWasSoftServedByTheWay.net
Peace love and hair grease
Riverdale Barbie-que: This Barbie comes in brown or black with fourteen interchangeable hair weaves, seven sets of multi-colored press on nails and hoop earrings. Complete with her 1985 Cutlass Supreme Limited in speckled purple and spinner rims, and includes her mo-fo Kenneth (aka Lil' K). Optional bling bling accessory kit available. Barbie-que comes with up to 7 children (no car seats or seat belts required). Also included, gold teeth with the "Yo Momma" accessory kit.
Peachtree City Barbie: Comes with a built-in voice recorder that whines "If Delta files bankruptcy - I'll have to get a real job!" Also included, a club car golf cart, and a church of your domination choosing bumper sticker. Wal-Mart Super Center play set sold separately. Delta Pilot Ken is stuck in traffic at the intersection of Hwy. 74 and Hwy. 54, and will not be available until Fall 2006.
Fayetteville Barbie: Comes with a loaded SUV of your choice, with Navigation System, DVD player, and built-in car seat. Also included, large "to-go" cups of Chick-fil-A sweet tea, and cell phone with Destiny's Child "Survivor" ring tone. Cheating (but Christian) Ken is included with golf clubs and Chevy truck. Compact hand gun hidden in purse for shopping at the Pavilion sold separately.
Griffin Barbie: This trashy babe comes with 80 acres for her doublewide trailer, play set, 3 dogs, and a Polaroid of her brother who is currently serving 3-5 for Meth possession, drunken and disorderly and urination on a government vehicle. 1990 Ford pickup with tinted windows (so she won't be seen with Fayetteville's Cheating Ken) sold separately.
McDonough Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt (bra not included) and has a tattoo of a Tweety bird on her shoulder. She has big, stiff hair, a six-pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and can kick Mullet-haired Ken doll's butt when she's drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get Confederate flag bumper stickers absolutely free.
Douglasville Barbie: This chain-smoking, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Griffin Barbie's house. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with your choice of lips covered in a sparkly pink or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back and a white see-through halter-top. Accessories include: tape player equipped with Bon Jovi and a 1989 Camero with T-Tops.
Southeast Atlanta Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a stolen Chevy with tinted windows and her
own Meth Lab kit. This model is available after dark and can be paid for only in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you're a cop. Then we don't know what you're talking about.
Marietta Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with your choice of Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan. She gets lost easily south of Roswell Road and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version. Optional matching tennis outfit.
Buckhead Barbie: This yuppie Barbie comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2. Included are Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. But you can't afford them anyway.
Dunwoody Barbie: This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard-print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while she entertains friends at the club. Percocet prescription available.
Piedmont Park Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu, has long gray hair and arch less feet, sandals with white socks, no makeup and an adopted mutt. She prefers that you call her "Willow."
Labels: MySpace
